Bathroom Humor

Kay Ellen says that I will laugh at any story, joke, or whatever that includes bathroom smells, noises, etc. There is one particular book that I re-read often, probably once a year, that has a chapter in it describing a guy on a submarine with terrible gas and bowel functions and the reaction to him by the other sailors. I laugh uncontrollably every time I read it. Tears stream down my face, I am laughing so hard. Mom always knows "it's that book again." So, with that in mind I thought I'd share some of my favorite bathroom humor stories involving the kids.

We were on vacation at Disneyworld and had driven back to the room to rest a little bit. After lying down for 30 minutes or so KLN says, "I'm so glad we came back to the room. I have my second wind." To which 10-yr old Jack responds, "I did mine in the car."

This isn't bathroom humor, but on the same trip, we were driving through Forida in our blue Chevy station wagon. Florida has a law that 4 and under kids had to be in a child's seat which we didn't have. We had the back seat down and a large area for the kids to crawl around in. We told Ben that if a policeman was driving by he had to lie down so no one would see him. They kids were all playing a board game or something and looking down when I saw a police car approaching. "Duck, duck, a police car," I called out. Ben pops up his head, looking around and asks, "Where, where!" Jack promptly puts both hands on his head and shoves him down.

On another vacation we were driving through Tennessee headed to Washington, DC, Philly, and New York. We stopped at a truck stop to get gas and go to the bathroom. The men's bathroom was on the 2nd floor and, as we walked up the stairs, we saw 2 great big truckers at the top of the stairs going into the restroom. When we got upstairs we saw that it was a 2-hole facility and these 2 guys had deposited themselves on the porcelain thrones. The area with the commodes were actually on a raised area so it gave it even more an imprssion of a throne. As we were waiting for our turn thesed 2 guys began grunting and moaning and grunting some more. It was almost as if they were having a contest to see who could grunt the loudest. Ben, Jack, and I looked a one another and started laughing. No way were we going tostay here and go into those stalls when the guys got finished. We were laughing so hard we almost fell down the stairs.

We had gone to the movies at the Parks Mall and stopped in the restroom before the movie. We thought we were the only ones in there. Jack and I went to the only 2 urinals and 4 or 5-year old Ben went to one of the stalls. A few moments later we heard a loud, ripping fart coming from the stalls. "Ben, is that you?", I asked. "Un unh," he replied. Jack looked own and saw another set of feet in the stalls and we all burst out laughing. We quickly left so that the guy wouldn't see us and we wouldn't see him.

One Saturday morning KLN and I were still sleeping, it was still dark outside, and the hallway was dark. Jack and Ben were coming down the hall to see us but knew they were not allowed to turn on the lights and wake us up too much. Jack came down the hall first and was already in our room when we heard 3-4 year-old Ben wail, "There's something squishy in the hall!" I got up, turned on the light in the hallway, and saw Ben standing with one foot up in the air with a piece of dog doo-doo stuck to his heel. KLN and I still laugh about Ben's "squishy" comment.

Earlier in my post I used the word "fart", a word Jack was not allowed to say when he was younger. There was a popular TV show that we would watch called "Hart to Hart". One night Jack repeated what I'm sure he'd heard me say before, "It's time for Fart to Fart." KLN was indignant and sent him to his room. I felt badly for him. Jack remembers it well becasue he brings it up to us whenever Ben or Abby say something like that now.

One last story, this one involving KLN. We were on a Youth Choir Tour in some little town in Georgia on a Sunday morning. They had a large women's restroom on the main floor and a very small one in the basement. Someone had really stunk up the place! Whew, it was bad! This proper southern lady in her deep southern accent turned to KLN and said, "Ooh, it's very unpleasant in here." Whenever we go somewhere and it stinks we will repeat to one another, "It's very unpleasant in here."

That's all for today. I'll try to write a few more stories on my lunch breaks in the future.